It has been the week leading up to finals at school for both C and I, my father was in town and met C for the first time ever and Friday was my grandma’s memorial. She passed at the beginning of October but my dad was in the middle of moving so we had to postpone the service. Which I think was for the best. It went okay. My dad put together a great slideshow with pictures of my grandma ranging from the 40’s through more recent times. The only issue I had was with the completely insensitive minister who basically attempted to guilt me into speaking at the service. He berated me in front of family I hadn’t seen in ten years, loudly saying ” so I hear you have no intentions of participating in today’s remembrance.” It was the tone he used, it was vile, he was vile. I did a fairly good job of defending myself. Thank all the gods that C was there with me all day.
She had only met my father for the first time the night before. We met for dinner right as he got in from Pheonix. Yes, you heard correctly. My father is a bit homophobic and opted out when it came time for out Denver wedding ceremony. So here we were having some dinner the night before my grandma’s memorial. He was only mildly offensive and mostly behaved.
Then that night my dad informed me that his friend helped him hack into my fb page to look at photo’s. I have no idea why they did this. My dad has showed zero interest in my personal life and whenever I bring it up, he changes the subject. Anyhoo, he saw pictures of C wearing a beard (for halloween, she was a perfect Richie Tenenbaum) and out of complete ignorance asked if she would be wearing a beard to the service. Really dad?! Really? You couldn’t tell in from the photos that you hacked into that we were in costume. How many times have I explained to him that she is a woman, my wife. Not my husband or the man in the relationship.
I’m rambling, sorry. His actions just spotlighted the fact that he has no interest in me unless it is self-serving. I would have gladly shown my dad pictures of my personal life had he asked or even acknowledged that I had a personal life.
Basically it was a very draining, emotional day. But luckily my wonderful wife got a bath ready for me. I practically overflowed the tub with lavender bubbles, had a glass of wine and some ice water while I soaked away the day. Plus my wife humored me, when I asked her to read me a story. As I relaxed in the tub she read the short story “Debbie” by Augusten Burroughs. It was the absolutely perfect remedy to my awful day.
I could have done it without her but I’m so grateful that I didn’t have to.